Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
