Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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