his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
