tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
