I have demons in me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
