Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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