i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
