i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
the raccoons are back...
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