is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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