i don't like sucking hair
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
