Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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