So drunk its hurt
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
