I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
