I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The struggles of a small town man whore
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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