I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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