how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
