Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
