glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
