did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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