I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
