I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
