i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
