do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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