I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
