Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
