I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
