i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
