Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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