I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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