I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
