i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
