I showed him my bush... on skype.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
