forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
