you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
