So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
