I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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