Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
