i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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