shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
