Soap is not a condiment
I'm jealous of your bromance
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
