hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
