I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
