She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
