She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
