He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
