We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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