Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I intend to get homeless drunk
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
