fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
