I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
