In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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